Noticing Parts, Cultivating Self-Compassion, and Rewiring the Brain
The Journey of Noticing Parts, Cultivating Self-Compassion, and Rewiring the Brain
By Sarah Claire Colling, LMHC | Bungalow Counseling
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by an internal tug-of-war—one voice pulling you to “do better” while another whispers, “you’re not enough”—you’re not alone. In fact, this inner conflict is a universal human experience, and it’s something we explore deeply in our work at Bungalow Counseling.
Through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), these conflicting voices are seen as parts of your internal system, each with its own story, purpose, and pain. They aren’t random or malicious—they’ve developed over time, often to protect you or adapt to challenging circumstances. One of the most transformative journeys we can take is learning to notice these parts, engage with them from a place of compassion and curiosity, and invite a deeper connection with our core Self—the calm, centered, and wise essence within us all.
This process of engaging with your parts is not just emotional or spiritual; it’s also biological. The brain has an incredible capacity for change, thanks to neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to rewire itself by forming new neural pathways. And while this rewiring doesn’t happen overnight, the combination of IFS work and consistent self-compassion can literally change the way your brain responds to stress, criticism, and internal conflict.
Understanding Parts: The “Should” Part and the Self-Critical Part
In IFS, we understand the psyche as an internal family of parts, each with its own role. Some parts may be protective, while others carry pain or vulnerability. For example:
The “Should” Part might push you to work harder, be more productive, or meet certain standards. It believes it’s helping you succeed or avoid failure.
The Self-Critical Part might scold or shame you, thinking that by pointing out your flaws, it’s keeping you safe from rejection or judgment.
While these parts often feel harsh or overwhelming, their intentions are almost always rooted in protection. The “Should” Part might be trying to help you avoid the discomfort of falling short, while the Self-Critical Part might be trying to shield you from external criticism by getting ahead of it.
But when these parts go unchecked, they can lead to cycles of burnout, shame, and disconnection. The good news? You don’t have to stay stuck in this loop.
Rewiring the Brain: From Reactivity to Compassion
The brain is built for adaptation. When we consistently react to self-critical or perfectionistic thoughts in the same way—by agreeing with them, avoiding them, or spiraling into shame—we strengthen those neural pathways. It’s like taking the same train track over and over again, until it becomes the default route.
But with practice, we can build new tracks. When we pause, notice these parts, and respond with curiosity and compassion, we begin to lay the foundation for a new way of thinking and being. Over time, this changes the brain at a structural level.
Here’s how it works:
Noticing the Part
The first step is awareness. Let’s say your Self-Critical Part starts saying, “You’re so lazy. Why can’t you just get it together?” Instead of reacting automatically—agreeing with it or trying to silence it—you pause. You notice the voice and acknowledge its presence.Getting Curious
From a place of Self, you might ask: “What are you trying to protect me from?” or “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t push me like this?” This shifts your relationship with the part from adversarial to compassionate.Responding with Compassion
As you listen, you might discover that the Self-Critical Part is trying to protect you from feelings of worthlessness. From here, you can offer reassurance, saying something like, “I see you’re trying to help, but I don’t need you to be so harsh. I’ve got this.”Creating New Neural Pathways
Each time you engage with your parts in this way, you strengthen the neural circuits associated with compassion and curiosity. Over time, this becomes the brain’s new default mode, allowing you to respond to stress and self-criticism in healthier ways.
The Brain Science of Change
When we practice IFS and self-compassion, we’re working directly with the brain’s neuroplasticity. Here’s what’s happening under the surface:
Disrupting Old Patterns: Each time you notice and pause before reacting to a self-critical thought, you weaken the existing neural pathway that reinforces shame or reactivity.
Building New Pathways: When you respond with curiosity and compassion, you’re creating a new pathway—a new “track” for the brain to follow.
Strengthening Self-Leadership: As you connect more with your core Self, the brain begins to prioritize this state of calm, clarity, and connection, making it easier to access in the future.
This process is slow and gradual, but with consistent practice, it leads to profound change.
A Real-Life Example
Imagine this: You’re sitting at your desk, overwhelmed by a long to-do list. Your “Should” Part pipes up, saying, “You should’ve started this hours ago. You’re so behind. Why do you always procrastinate?”
Instead of spiraling into self-blame, you pause. You notice the voice and say, “I hear you. You’re really worried I won’t get this done.” You take a breath and get curious: “What are you afraid would happen if I didn’t finish everything perfectly?”
As you listen, the “Should” Part reveals its fear: “If you don’t do everything right, people will think you’re a failure.” From a place of Self, you offer reassurance: “I understand why you’re scared, but I don’t need to prove my worth. I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.”
By responding this way, you’ve taken the train off its old track of shame and placed it on a new track of compassion. Over time, this becomes the brain’s default path, transforming how you relate to yourself.
The Power of Patience and Practice
Engaging with your parts and rewiring your brain takes time. It’s not about perfection—it’s about practice. Each moment of curiosity, compassion, and connection strengthens your ability to lead your internal system from a place of Self.
At Bungalow Counseling, we walk alongside you on this journey. Whether you’re navigating self-criticism, perfectionism, or past wounds, we’re here to help you slow down, listen deeply, and create new pathways toward healing and wholeness.
The wild terrain of being human is never easy, but it’s also full of possibility. With patience, practice, and support, you can create a new relationship with yourself—one rooted in compassion, curiosity, and lasting change.